Miniskirt Army Strong
by anthro-otaku
Summary: Edward's back to attempting human transmutation, but thinks he's found a loop-hole. Let's just say it ends with him losing more then limbs. Rating for future raunchy humor. Sequel to Miniskirt Army of One!
1. More then limbs

"Brother, I don't think this is a good idea... what if it doesn't work and you wind up losing everything? Or the colonel finds out? Or–"

"This is no time for what-if's Al! We don't know how much longer you have until your soul rejects the armor! We have to do something and do something fast!" Edward, 18 years old, states as he pours some ingredients into the center of a transmutation circle. "We technically aren't doing human transmutation because we're just creating body parts one by one and then piecing them together. And if don't get caught, we won't get caught," Ed chuckled with his usual grin.

"Brother, I think we should think this through before you do something you _really _will regret!" Al pleaded, had he had a physical body he would be sweating profusely.

"It's only an arm, Al. Nothing big," Ed shrugged before clapping his hands and activating the circle, sparks flew and the room became eerily lit.

A fog covered the room just like before; Al searched the room in desperation for his brother. As the room began to clear he saw Ed hunched over on the ground. He groaned and shifted his weight onto his hands as he sat up. Al gave a sigh of relief that nothing went wrong.

"Brother, are you alright?" Al asked.

"I think so, I don't feel any pain... Why's my voice so high pitched?" Ed asked in an unusually soft and soprano voice.

"Brother?" Al asked with panic evident in his voice as Ed began to examine himself frantically. Pulling at his shirt and pants before letting out a shriek of hopelessness as his now delicate-looking shoulders began to shake. Al began to walk over to him, but stopped when Edward curled into a ball on the floor.

"What's wrong?" Al asked in a shaky voice.

"Don't look at me... please don't look a me..." Ed sobbed as he curled into a tighter ball.

"I should get the colonel... maybe he–"

"FUCK NO! He's not going to understand and if he did _he_ certainly isn't going to help! He's just going to laugh and then blackmail me for the rest of my life... he treats me enough as a slave as it is, this'll make it worse!" Ed began to sob uncontrollably. Al walked over and tried to examine the damage. Ed tried in vain to cover the damage done, but Al's superior strength pulled the slender arms away to reveal what had happened. Al stared blankly at his brother, he didn't know what to say or to think; only knew this was going to be difficult to explain.

-- The Office --

"Colonel, you should be getting your work done not setting up another date," Riza instructed as she handed Roy a large pile of paperwork. Roy grumbled about it but did the work so long as Riza watched over him like a hawk.

Havoc had been sent out on an errand, Breda and Falman were organizing some files, and Feury was tinkering with the office phone. Riza had to take a test for sharp-shooters to make sure she kept up to the military's standards, so she excused herself from the office and reminded him to not goof off. Once she closed the door he whipped out his little black book and began looking up women's numbers. He heard the door open a looked up to see Alphonse alone. The Elric brothers were always together and typically if they weren't together something went horribly wrong and Al's body language told Roy that he was stressed.

"Hey Al, Where's your brother?" asked Breda; Al hesitated.

"Hospital, Resembool, jail?" asked Roy in a smug tone, but his expression turned serious when Al began to fidget; he couldn't let his little office mascot get hurt or arrested. "Alphonse... where is your brother?" Roy asked in a serious tone.

"I don't know how to say this, but I don't really understand what happened to Edward," Al answered as he started to tremble. Roy had never heard him refer to his brother by his name before, something seemed wrong.

"Where's Fullmetal?"

"There was an accident and... and," Al began to shake.

"Was it a big incident or a small–" Roy began to say.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THEY WOULD NEED STOOLS TO REACH ANYTHING IN A DOLL HOUSE!" came an angry voice from Al's armor that seemed all too familiar to everyone.

_Well, if he's still screaming like that then I can guarantee it's nothing too serious_, Roy thought to himself. But something was weird about Ed's voice, it sounded almost feminine. "Fullmetal, if something has happened to you, you need to see a doctor."

"No! There's nothing they can do about... about _this_!" Ed growled.

"Colonel, my bro– I mean Ed is very sensitive about what happened and was actually afraid of how you'd react," Al stated in hopes he could lessen the tension. Roy felt very touched that Edward cared that much about what he thought of him; the boy never gave him that impression.

"Alphonse, if Edward's problem is this serious then we'll need to see what happened to him before it gets worse and it's too late to–"

"IT'S ALL READY TOO LATE!" Al's armor howled in dispair again.

"Enough, Fullmetal, stop being so childish and come out so I can see how serious this problem really is," Roy commanded in a stern voice. Movement inside the armor ceased and the room seemed to freeze in place.

"I'll show you him on one condition," Al stated in a serious tone. "You can not laugh at him." Roy nodded and Al removed his chest plate to show the small blonde inside.

Edward slowly stepped out of the armor to stand in front of Roy. Everyone else in the room could not see past Al, but saw Roy's face. First he looked shocked, then confused, then he put his head down on his desk as his shoulders began to shake. Because of what happened the last time when Havoc dated the famous 'Eliza' they knew he wasn't sobbing, he was laughing his ass off at Edward.

"What the hell's so funny?!" asked an infuriated Ed as he slammed his fists on the desk. Ed's breasts bounced at the sudden motion of storming over to the desk. The other men were stunned at how curvy this woman standing before them was, surely this couldn't be loud, obnoxious, foul-mouthed, bratty Ed.

"What's happened to Edward?" asked Falman.

"It's seems that Edward lost more then limbs this time," Roy chuckled as Ed became more furious. Roy didn't know how it happened, but whatever it was Edward had blossomed into one of the sexiest women he had laid eyes on.

First chapter to the sequel of Miniskirt Army of One! I won't be able to put another chapter up for a while because of everything else I have to do :( But fear not, I will hopefully get another chapter up sometime this month or the next ;

Why did Ed become a woman? What will Roy think about all of this? Find out in the next exciting chapter of Miniskirt Army Strong: Wreaking Havoc


	2. Wreaking Havoc

I don't own FMA :(

"It seems that Edward lost more then limbs this time," Roy laughed as Edward fumed.

"This wasn't suppose to happen, I don't understand how..." Ed began to cry.

"Edward, Alphonse, I want the two of you to come with me. I need to ask a few question about your 'accident'." he said in a serious tone; he already knew it was human transmutation.

– Interrogation room –

"Tell me everything, from the beginning. What the hell did you do?" Roy asked darkly.

"We don't know how much time we have before Al's soul and armor reject each other, so I thought that if I created one body part at a time and _then_ attached Al's soul it would be different. But this is not the rebound I thought would happen," Ed mourned.

(Ed's flashback)

"Here again you arrogant fool," Truth cooed as Ed stared in terror at the gate.

"Why am I here? I didn't transmute a living thing," Edward trembled.

"Trying to create a human piece by piece is the same thing, but I give you points on creativity. However; I'm tired of seeing you all of the time. Rarely has someone survived the shock of coming here, let alone returning several times." Truth grinned as the gate opened and Ed was dragged in.

He learned more about what he was after, but before he could get the entire truth he was pulled out. Truth's sadistic laugh made him nervous.

"You want to create life so bad, now's your chance." Truth said before Ed blacked out.

(End of flashback)

"Fullmetal, you are an idiot," Roy stated. He wanted to much harder on Ed, but Roy was sure that if he had his gender changed he too would be devastated as well.

"I don't know what to do... this body just feels too alien to me. I don't know how I'm going to get out this one," Ed sobbed.

"We should get your body back before we get mine. I think this would be too socially awkward for you. This is too psychologically hard on him, so–"

"No! We have to get you out of that armor as soon as possible. I can't lose you," Ed began to cry uncontrollably as Al tried to comfort him.

– Hours later –

"Gentlemen, I have some important news. Due to an accident during a bio-alchemic experiment Edward Elric (pause as his he tries to keep himself from laughing) experienced an... unexpected... rebound... and had a gender change... I can not elaborate any further then that." Roy stated as well as he could with a straight face. Everyone stared at Roy as though he sprouted another head.

"I don't know what to say, but what happens now?" asked Falman.

"Maybe you should go and lay down for a while. I'm sure this is _extremely_ stressful, so I'll send a message to the front desk that you got a terrible fever" said Feury in hopes that Ed would calm down a little more and give them time to discuss with Mustang what to do.

"That's what we decided on, come on Ed. We need to take you home; get inside the armor if you don't want people to see you like this," Al said sweetly as he opened his armor for Edward to climb into. When they left and their footsteps were no longer heard the men swarmed around Roy for questions.

"What happens now, Colonel? What do you think the higher-ups's are going to do?" asked Falman in a whisper.

"Do any of you know what this means if Edward is now a woman?" asked Roy in a serious tone.

"Hot Ed x Winry lesbian action?" Breda smirked in a deviant way; Roy only grinend, he thought that would be awesome as well.

"Even better then that; behold! The first female member of the Miniskirt Army! _Eliza_!... Who's actually a female this time!" Roy purred as he thought of all sorts of ways Ed's _accident_ could get him to the top. He could use him– er,– her to raise money and dazzle everyone with Ed's awesome new assets.

"Do you have any idea how much men will be willing to pay to see those twins bounce! How many men will want to work under me to stare at that butt?! We could raise enough funds for my campaign to become Fuhrer!" Roy stated dramatically. "Now, there's something I need all of you to do for me to make this work," Roy grinned evilly as the men gathered close to hear what he needed. They agreed to give Edward one week before taking action.

– One week later –

(Phone rings)

"Hello?" Alphonse answers.

"Is Edward doing any better?" asked Riza.

"Yes, he's feeling a little better, depressed but better," Al responded.

"The Colonel wants Edward to come in today, he says that he has something important for Edward, something about helping him cope with his accident," Riza said in a concerned tone; probably confused about what the accident was.

"Sure, I'll send him right over," Al said happily before hanging up to get Ed.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" asked Riza.

"You're going to have to see it for yourself. It's nothing that I can describe. All I can say is that you will need to take Fullmetal shopping for clothes afterwards," Roy laughed.

"Sir, it is unprofessional to punish your subordinates through such humiliation as forcing them into a miniskirt," Riza sighed.

"You'll see when Ed gets here. Just follow the trail of men with bloody noses," Roy smiled.

– The Office –

"You want me to do what?" Ed asked confused as he tried to cross his arms over his chest, but had difficulty do to his new figure.

"I have been doing some research and found that a good form of exercise for women is jumping on a trampoline. It said that by doing this it flexes the thigh muscles and strengthens the ankles. By doing this you will feel more comfortable in your new body," Roy said professionally.

"Where will it be at?" asked Edward with interest.

"The parade grounds, you need to get comfortable walking in public and stop hiding inside your little brother," Roy said in hopes of inspiring Edward to be more social and flaunt his new goods for the public.

"Okay, it's worth a shot!" said Ed enthusiastically.

– Parade Grounds –

Edward is jumping up and down on the trampoline with a sign beside it saying you could only see the Tramp-O-Line for a fee. As she jumped, flipped, did splits, seat drops, and twists as instructed she couldn't help but feel as though Roy had some ulterior motive for this. She didn't feel any different, except for sore breasts from all that jumping from having no bra to support her new enormous pair.

"Come on! You can do it! Just a little longer until we can do some jogging!" Al cheered Ed on as she began to feel tired. "We're all cheering for you!"

"I... don't think... the men here... are cheering me on... for the same reasons... as you!" Ed said between breaths as she crossed her arms over her chest to provide some support. She looked at the sign and noticed the word 'Tramp' was highlighted in the sign. With that known she jumped off the trampoline and stormed off into the office.

"You mind telling me why you're using my boobs to make money!?" screamed Edward.

"What's wrong with using every asset we have to our advantage. The more money I get the more you get for research and–"

"Bullshit! You just wanted to stare at my ass you morally bankrupt colonel with a god complex!" Ed growled as she stalked over to his desk. She froze when she saw Riza standing next to Roy.

"I told you it was better you saw Ed's accident for yourself. Would you mind taking Edward shopping for new clothes?" asked Roy as he handed her a wad of cash made from the Tramp-O-Line.

"Come with me Edward, we have a lot of shopping," Riza stated as the shock wore off before Roy stopped her.

"Shouldn't we see Edward's measurements in here before–"

"I REFUSE TO GET NAKED!" Ed shrieked as Al had to physically restrain her.

"No, we're just going to see what your sizes are before you go out and look odd for being 18 and not knowing your bra size," Roy smirked. Riza took out a measuring tape and measured her waist for the panty size and then measured her bra size.

– Hours later –

"Sir, I have a question regarding the photo album you keep with you," asked Havoc in a suspicious tone; Roy gulped.

"What about it?" he asked nervously.

"Who are the group of women at the end of the book?" he asked innocently.

"Eliza's cousins, why?" Roy lied and then gave a sigh of relief. _For a second I thought he figured something out, but he won't because he's... Havoc._ A Roy thought to himself.

"But there was something really odd about when I dated Eliza. I wanted everyone to meet her, but the only one I couldn't introduce her to was Ed. I know he was in town because I saw Al everywhere, but oddly enough Ed was no where to be seen when a date was coming up," Havoc pondered deeper then ever before. "That much studying can't be good for your health, he needs to get laid and soon." Havoc stated before packing his things to go to lunch.

When he said this he suddenly realized that Ed may have never experienced something everyman should at least once. He had to speak to Ed and fast, depending on what Ed said would depend on much sooner they should change him back.

– The Mall –

"Ok Edna come out so I can see you," Riza encouraged while sitting outside the changing room Ed had been in for the past half hour.

"I look weird," Ed whimpered.

"How would you know that? I'm sure it's just odd wearing these kinds of clothes for the first time," Riza said in hoping to coax her out. The door squeaked open. Ed was something similar to what she had worn but instead with a corset-like vest. "You look beautiful!" Riza smiled.

"Can we go home now? I'm sure the colonel has several miniskirts he'll force me to wear and I wanna get in and out before he gets back from lunch... or a nap," Ed whined. Riza smiled and nodded, she chuckled at how this gender change did not affect her personality at all.

– The Office –

"Ed, I have a present for you," Roy grinned as he produced a box. "I was working on it all day, just for you," he cooed.

"You mean, when you should have been doing your paperwork?" Riza stated as-a-matter-of-factly as Ed glared at the package; any gift from Roy seemed suspicious. She opened it anyway.

"Oh colonel, you shouldn't have," Ed said mundanely.

"I know, but I only want the best for my–,"

"No! I mean it! You _really_ shouldn't have!" Ed snapped as he pulled out a military uniform without sleeves and a _really_ tiny miniskirt.

"You shouldn't be afraid to show off your new body, be proud! You were army strong! Now you can be _Miniskirt _Army strong!" Roy stated in a dramatic way.

"No, I'll look like a whore for your enjoyment!" Ed shouted and then sudden shouting surprised Feury and he would up spilling his water all over Ed.

"Everyone's lively today," Havoc chirped happily as he strolled he, but stopped dead when he saw the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on. Her golden locks of hair whipped through the air like strands of silk as she shook water out of her hair and the sun glimmered off of them as though they were gold. She had the face of an angel and the curves of a goddess. He researched boobs the way Edward researched alchemy... no, he studied them more then that. But never had he seen a better or larger pair that looked so natural then hers. He could only stare with his mouth gaping while everyone was silent.

"Um, yeah... Havoc, I meant to tell you–," Roy began.

"Eliza! Oh my dear Eliza how I thought I'd never see you again!" he sang as he leapt through the air and hugged her tightly. He heard her gasps and saw Roy's awkward face. _She must be holding back all the tears of living without me! I won't leave you again my angel, never again!_ He thought as he held her, somehow, even tighter. He then saw Roy put his head on the desk and then sink underneath it to then hear quick intakes of breath. _Who ever knew he loved her so much, again I get the last laugh!_ Havoc thought victoriously.

Little did her know that Roy has an awkward look because he had not yet come up with a reason why 'Eliza' was back and that her little gasps were cause by her inability to breath. The reason Roy eventually had to sink underneath the desk was because Breda was making a choking gesture to explain to Roy what Ed was doing had he almost burst out laughing so he ducked down to do some breathing exercises.

"Eliza?" Havoc asked loving.

"Yeah?" Ed asked with the little air she was getting.

"I missed you so much," Havoc said before kissing her. The room seemed to freeze as Havoc tried to deepen the kiss; Ed was in too much shock to move. But when she got a grip on herself she pulled away and pressed her head into Havoc's chest to hide her face and glared and Falman who happened to just be in the direction she was facing.

"Havoc, don't you have a meeting to go to?" asked Breda.

"Oh shit! I have to be at a training course today! I'm so sorry Eliza! I'll see you as soon as I can!" he nearly cried as he ran to his training so he'd be done sooner.

"Lt. Hawkeye, could you please leave the room for a moment? I have an important question to ask Edward," Roy asked as Riza glared. "Guy stuff," he specified and Riza left the room.

"There's something that's been on my mind... how far did you ever get with Winry?" he asked.

"What's it to you?" Ed growled.

"If you've experience the joy of being a man that's one thing, but to have never been with a woman and then to suddenly get turned into one... that must be tough," Roy stated.

"Once," Ed mumbled.

"That's a relief, did you enjoy it at least?" Roy asked.

"Yeah, now shut up before I hurt you!" Ed snarled.

"What's it like being a woman?" asked Feury.

"It's like walking around with two big beacons that only half the population can see," Ed snorted. "Seriously, is there so little guys find interesting then staring at my chest and ass all day?! Take last night when I took a shower for example!"

(Flashback)

Edward took a shower to get some of the grim from jogging around the base as a form of exercise. Her breasts felt sore because they bounced around so much. She could feel the eyes of the men on her the whole time and many made cat-calls. She could no longer lift a pencil without feeling like someone was gawking at her butt.

Some men stupidly tried to 'accidentally' touch her breasts or butt and in turn she would 'accidentally' beat them within an inch of their life. When finished she draped her towel over her shoulders and walked out. The second she walked out she realized she was in the men's shower room and they were happy to see her. She quickly got dressed and ran from the showers before the horny men could catch up.

(End of Flashback)

"It's also hard to go shopping. Just because I'm a medium at one store doesn't mean I'm a medium in all of them. I was a... a..." Ed couldn't form the word.

"It's okay, Fullmetal, now because you're female it's okay to be small," Roy cooed.

"Who are you calling so tiny an ameba could eat them as an appetizer!" Ed shrieked. "And that's not the beginning of it! Bras come it _way_ too many varieties; some have wires, some don't, some are fancy, some are for sports, some can be worn by themself, others are see-through, strapless, clear straps, adjustable, I can't take it anymore!" Ed howled. "I saw panties with a heart-shaped hole in the ass and some with no ass or crotch at all! So many thongs had a hair-thin string!" she ranted. "Why?!" she howled.

"You should have been more careful with your experiment," Roy said smugly.

"Stuff colonel, you cruel sadistic–" Ed snarled.

"Now, now, Ed. Besides the state alchemist test when you two faced off on the parade grounds, when has the colonel ever said anything about your height?" asked Feury.

(Flashback to Miniskirt Army of One... this wasn't in it because I thought of it a while after I finished it)

"You know, Ed, I would stop complaining if I were you and just put the damn skirt on an strut your best. That is unless you want me to find something worse," Roy purred sadistically and Ed grumbled about him being a bastard.

"Why don't you ever wear a skirt too? You make the rest of us wear them to save him," Breda grumbled.

"Because I'm hung too low for a miniskirt, I'd be a giveaway," Roy said with a shrug.

"Let's compare!" Breda challenged. "I'm 6.5 inches!"

"...5" mumbled Feury.

"6," declared Falman.

"Foot long," stated Roy.

"Mine's a kickstand!" declared Ed.

"Ok, that's 2 inches for Ed" Roy said indifferently as Ed fumed. "Why are you so angry? That's a compliment for someone to the big for your height," Roy chuckled.

(End of Flashback)

"Okay, maybe that one time," Roy shrugged. "Anyway, here's your outfit, you and Havoc have a date tonight."

"Says who?" growled Ed.

"Says this candidate for the Ms. Armestis Military calender contest," Roy cooed as he produced a photo of Ed from the waist up when she walked out of the shower with nothing but a towel covering her breasts as her fingers combed through her hair. Her face looked so relaxed; Roy would never tell Ed he got by mugging one of the men who had been there that snapped the shot and then destroyed the camera so he could monopolize on Ed's new look.

"Where do these damn pictures come from!" Ed screamed.

"My little secret, now get changed... _Eliza_," Roy purred with sadism.

More to come when I can put it up. Review my pretties review!


	3. Life sucks Period!

Ed got dressed for the date in a dark red silk dress that reached her ankles with a slit on the right side the reached her hip

Ed got dressed for the date in a dark red silk dress that reached her ankles with a slit on the right side the reached her hip. Despite her griping Roy made her wear a dainty little red thong instead of normal panties that cover everything.

"Eliza, if you wear regular panties a panty-line will show and that's very trashy," Roy said firmly.

"So I have to wear that butt-floss!? _Hell_ no I'm gonna wear an instant-wedgie!" Ed snarled.

"That's not true; you're actually less likely to have a wedgie because there's less fabric to ride up. Now put'em on before I tell Havoc I heard you masturbating while calling his name," Roy cooed with a Cheshire-cat grin. With that threat out there Ed decided it would be best she put it on because Roy really would do that and then she would never get Havoc off her back.

Roy had a question that had been on his mind for far too long and the pressure of holding it in was about to explode. Ten minutes of holding a question of such great interest was killing him and he had to ask and now was the perfect time. Ed was in a tight dress, high-heels, wearing a thong that made him walk funny because she wasn't used to it, and she wouldn't be fast enough to hurt him.

"So, what was how many times did you get with her before your 'accident'?" Roy asked with a chuckle. Ed growled, but Al started to snicker.

"What's so funny?" asked Breda.

"Don't – you – _dare_," Ed snarled at Al who was now laughing hysterically.

"Ed and Winry have been banned by the town of Resembool from having sex," Al laughed as Ed tried in vain to cover a mouth that didn't physically exist.

"You have my attention," Roy said in what someone who might have not caught the first part of the conversation would have thought was serious; it was a story too good to pass.

"What's it to you, you bas—! Al! Don't say a word!" Ed demanded as Al laughed harder as paused for a minute.

"Ed uncontrollably starts spontaneously transmuting everything when he has an orgasm," Al said he hunched over from a new wave of giggles and Ed kicked him. "Granny and I were out getting groceries and when we got back the house sudden exploded into a bunch of spikes and cannons," Al paused for a moment the try to stop laughing. "They were forbidden to be alone in the house together, so they resorted to sneaking out of the house and getting a room at a hotel; after transmuting one the hotels into some spikes and other odd shapes the town made an official law forbidding they have sex in town," Al laughed like a first-grader at a fart-joke.

"Ed, you're the only guy I know that would think about alchemy during sex," Breda laughed as he hunched from laughing too hard to stand up straight.

"I was not! It just happened!" Ed shouted as she gave everyone a death glare, but glared daggers at Roy who seemed to be in deep thought.

"Interesting, I wonder what would happen if Ed were to orgasm now, women can have several in one night. Fascinating," Roy thought aloud and narrowly avoided getting slapped by Ed.

"I'M NOT SLEEPING WITH HAVOC AND THAT'S FINAL!" Ed shrieked loud enough that she could be heard all the way in Dalmasca (sp?).

"If you do so I will give the biggest bonus ever," Roy grinned evilly.

"This is sexual harassment!" Ed growled. "I could get you court-martialed," Ed smirked, but Roy grinned; just like the last time he got Ed in a miniskirt he knew the arguments before Ed ever made them.

"Does that apply to someone who has their gender altered through alchemy? Because it could imply that there was some _illegal_ experimentation going on," Roy grinned when Ed flinched. "Biological alchemical experimentation must get government permission in order to be conducted, did you have any?" he smiled.

"I'm still not gonna fuck him," she blushed out of embarrassment.

"It doesn't matter; Havoc'll be here soon to take you to the military ball," Roy chuckled as he walked away with Ed glaring at him.

-- The Ball --

'Eliza' and Havoc sat together at a table with Roy, his subordinates, and Riza. Havoc put his arm over Ed's chair and Ed tried to ignore him by devouring the salads and rolls on the table.

"Hey, where's Ed? I haven't seen the little guy in… forever," Havoc asked as he looked around for, unbeknownst to him, was next to him. Ed flinched and glared daggers. She gripped the fork tightly in her hand and thought about stabbing Havoc, but that would only lead to more blackmailing; perhaps then have participate in Roy's much desired experimentation on orgasmic transmutations.

"Oh, Ed had some… _girl_ problems," Roy chuckled as his male subordinates tried to contain their laughter.

"Yeah, he's been really _testie_ lately," Breda snickered.

"I heard someone really _egged_ him on recently," Falman mocked.

"Yeah, someone stole his _nuts_ two weeks ago," Roy chuckled.

"Now guys, it's not nice to _egg_ him like that; _ovaries_ past few days have been tough really tough for him (a/n: "over these" past few days" is the play on words)," Feury laughed softly. Breda, Falman, and Roy were genuinely shocked that something so foul and mean come out of the nice, quiet Feury; they snorted loudly and tried to cover up by pretending to cough. Ed glowered at Roy, Breda, and Falman, but even she didn't expect Feury to take part in poking fun at her.

Soon the food came out and Ed gulped down one bowl of noodles after another; working hard to ignore the jabs the Colonel and the others. Ed was being as close to a saint she had ever been because she hadn't destroyed anyone all day; even ignoring the short-remarks… kind of.

"Another reason Ed couldn't come is because he got _short_ notice—" Roy began but got interrupted when Ed transmuted his chair to have sharp little spikes. Roy glared at her and she only smirked at his discomfort. Edward got up to use the restroom and walked awkwardly from her high-heels and walked over the air vent. The air blowing out was too soft to blow up a skirt, so Roy reached down and snapped his fingers to heat the air. It caused a great gust of wind to push 'Eliza's' skirt up to show her thong; she had every males' attention. Ed turned to glare at Roy and straightened her dress before storming off into the bathroom.

-- The next day --

"You started it!" Ed roared as she gripped the hem of her itty bitty teenie weenie miniskirt that showed her panties at the slightest breeze to keep it down.

"Fullmetal, I afraid you are out of control. You've been a female for almost three weeks and you forget the pain a man feels when his twig and berries are attacked!" Roy stated in anger. In attempts to get back at Roy, Ed accidentally hit Havoc in the crotch with hot tea when she transmuted the pot to leak at the bottom. Roy was suppose to serve himself, but Havoc lifted it first and wound up spilling it on his lap; such was intended to happen to Roy. Ed was then sentenced by Roy to a month of _super_-itty-bitty-miniskirts.

"This is bullshit!" Ed protested before storming out of the office and slammed the door behind her.

"Is Havoc gonna be ok?" asked Breda.

"He burned his nuts! He ain't gonna die!" Ed shouted from down the hall.

"The doctor said he'd recover," Falman spoke softly.

"The attack was meant for me," Roy said in a shaky voice. Falman then walked over and placed his hands on the colonel's shoulders to comfort him. They all looked up when the door was slammed open and saw Ed standing there with a look of horror on her face.

"I'm bleeding!" Ed screamed in terror and the men came running to help her.

"Where?! Where are you bleeding?!" Feury asked in panic.

"Down there!" Ed shrieked as she gestured down. "It's over flowing! I'll bleed to death at this rate!" Ed shrieked.

"What about band-aids?!" asked Breda as he turned pale and looked as though he was going to vomit.

"They won't work! To small, too little absorption, not enough in a pack!" Ed screamed.

"What on Earth is going on in here?!" Riza asked with a mix of alarm and frustration; she did not get paid enough to be their baby-sitter.

"Edward is bleeding to death and we can't stop it!" Feury panicked as he wrapped up Ed into a diaper of bandages.

"I think that perhaps something went horribly wrong during the transformation process and now I have internal bleeding," Ed sobbed.

"Edward, you've been… female for almost a month, right?" Riza asked calmly; never one to panic she was going to get them back on track.

"Yes," Ed whimpered. "I'm cramping so bad! It feels like something eating my stomach!" Ed whined.

"Edward, you're just having your period," Roy sighed.

"My what?" Ed whimpered.

"Remember when you dumped those nasty things on my desk as your "evidence" that homicide had been committed in the women's room?" Roy grumbled.

"Yeah, wh—oh!" Ed said as she relaxed slightly knowing she wouldn't die. "How do I stop myself from bleeding?"

"Come with me; I'll show you what you need," Riza held out her hand.

-- Later --

"What's it like?" asked Breda with morbid curiosity. Edward was sitting against the wall holding her knees close to her chest.

"I feel like I'm wearing a diaper," Ed whined. "It was that or something worse."

"What's that?" asked Feury like a little kid listening intently to a ghost story.

"The other thing was a wad of cotton that gets stuffed up there," Ed grumbled. "It comes in cardboard tube and when Riza showed me it she shot that thing out of that tube like a cannon!" Ed stated as she made the hand-motion of how Riza launched it with launching sound effects as they stared at him in horror.

"What's it like being a woman?" asked Falman.

"Men are constantly grabbing at me, I can't pick up a pencil without them gawking at my butt, Havoc wants in my skirt, I deal with more crap then I did as a male, and I'm constantly followed by creepy men! When it comes to clothes nothing fits a _normal_ woman, bras and panties are in _way_ too many varieties, I have to spend _hours_ trying on everything from shirts to shoes just because you may fit into a small in store doesn't mean you _won't_ need and XL in the next, and now I have my period on top of that!" Ed rated as she hugged her knees into her chest.

"As a male I always liked boobs, but they're such a _pain_! Everyone thinks they're fake, I always sneeze on them, men constantly stare at them, if I don't have a good bra they get sore from lack of support, I can't cross my arms over them, I can't sleep on my stomach cause they get sore, they bump into everything, if I wear baggy clothes they protrude out so much they make me look fat, and whenever I try to hug my brother they get in the way!" Ed began to scream. "I also have to check them regularly for breast cancer on top off all that too… I've considered getting them reduced. Before anyone could say a thing Ed excused herself for the day and left to get lunch before heading back to her dorm. Feury saw this as the opportunistic time to ask something that had been on his mind for over two weeks.

"This is kind of a dumb question, but I have to ask… if you have a crush on Ed, does that make you yaoi… even though Ed's a girl now?" Feury asked sheepishly.

"Thank goodness! For a moment I thought it was just me," Breda sighed with relief.

"That's a good question, I don't know. Ed still acts the way she did when she was a he, but now Ed is the sexiest woman in Armestris, I can't say," Falman pondered.

"Perhaps that's something we could ask Fullmetal about the next time she's in. We could learn a lot about women through her experience," stated Roy, suddenly the phone rang.

"Colonel Mustang," he answered; nothing out of the ordinary about the ringing phone. "Multiple attacks on the dorms!? From the inside… alchemy! Spikes? Cannons? Gaudy statues appearing? (he was grinning evilly at this point) I'm on my way," Roy Purred into the phone before hanging up.

"What was that about?" asked Falman.

"Gentlemen, Ed has attacked the women's dormitory with her orgasms," Roy stated as though they would venture behind enemy lines. "Get me a bucket of ice water," Roy grinned, this was just something a person didn't get to do everyday.

_Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't posted for months; I've been busy non-stop for a long time and had some writer's block. Anyway, please review ___


	4. One for the Calender

I don't own FMA, if I did I wouldn't be writing fanfiction.

Roy and his subordinates jumped into their car and drove as fast as they could. Roy couldn't stop grinning; more blackmail to spam his office mascot with. When they arrived to the women's dorm they found its residents standing outside staring in fear of what had become of their dorms. Suddenly the cannons Ed made fired their ammo and the gaudy statues began to spray water, hiss steam, or spit flames. While everyone shook in fear Roy, the "brave" colonel stood his ground and walked towards the building.

"Oh, Colonel Mustang! It's too dangerous! You could be killed!" one of his many female admirers pleaded.

"No, I _must_ get in there. I think I know what could be going on, and only I can stop it," Roy declared as he gripped a bucket of ice water.

"He's so brave," one woman swooned. "His hand's shaking in terror, but he'll risk his life to protect us, how brave," she said unaware that Roy's shaking was really his vain attempt to not laugh.

"Men," Roy paused before walking closer to the building. "Your safety won't be quarantined once inside, stay here and protect everyone."

"No, we'll help you. It could get dangerous going in alone," Breda stated while Falman and Feury nodded in agreement as they attempted to join in Roy's charade of courage. Roy nodded in agreement and they marched on to humiliate the alchemist further.

They had to walk up the stairs uncertain of what they would find. They looked for where the most dramatic transmutations took place in hoped it would be a trail to where Ed was. They walked up several flights of stair until they found a floor that looked as though something had exploded. The walls and floor had strange shapeless figures protruding out in all directions. They walked silently towards the door that everything appeared to come from.

"Is this her dorm?" asked Breda.

"I think so, from the looks of the floor boards there've been some transmutations going on from inside this room," Roy stated as he pointed out the alchemized changes in the floor tiles.

"What do we do?" Feury shivered.

"Follow my lead," Roy stated with confidence and opened the door.

Behind the door was the small alchemist sleeping on the bed. She wore a plain white pajama shirt with several buttons undone and black sleeping-shorts. Her hands lay relaxed at her sides and the moonlight bathed her skin to make it appear to glow. Her angelic face was still flushed from her activities and sweat covered her forehead. Her golden hair fanned out around her head and a few locks stuck to her face as though it were forming a halo. All of them stood in awe of how beautiful she was, so much so that Roy struggled to lift his bucket to dump it on her; he placed it on the ground.

"What are you doing?" asked Falman, but was answered with the snapping of pictures.

"_This_ is going in the calendar," Roy grinned as he snapped photos, but stopped when he heard someone hyperventilating.

"What's wrong with _you_?" asked Breda.

"I - can't - _take _it! Why?!" Feury panted as he tried to pull himself together. Roy decided that enough was enough and picked up the bucket and drenched Ed. Ed went from a sleeping angel to a screaming demon.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" she screamed as she flailed her arms around.

"We were sent in to figure out who attacked the dorms, were you _pleasuring_ yourself?" asked Roy bluntly with an evil grin.

"_NO_!" Ed screamed indignantly as she glared at the bed.

"Then why's the dorm all… alchemified?" asked Breda with a chuckle at Ed's clear embarrassment. "According to your brother this happens every time you—"

"Well _Al_ is full of _shit_!" Ed snapped as she shook her head to get some of the water off of her and then reached her hands up to wring some of the water out; Roy started snapping more pictures as Feury began to bleed profusely from his nose. "What the hell!" Ed screamed until she looked down. Because she got drenched her white shirt was now see-through.

"This is going on one of the summer months," Roy stated as he snapped more pictures.

_I don't think so; you're not getting any wet T-shirt pictures out of me_, Ed thought to herself, but didn't think over what she was doing well enough. She decided to take off her shirt to wring it out. It was the instant she lifted the shirt enough to show her chest she realized her mistake. Roy began to snap pictures at a rate not seen before, Falman and Breda had nose-bleeds, and Feury had passed out. She pulled her shirt down as fast as she could, but the damage had been done.

"What are we going to tell everyone outside?" asked Falman as he began to examine Feury to make sure he didn't get a concussion.

"We tell them that _Eliza_ accidentally transmuted everything because she was having a nightmare," Roy answered with a smirk. "But first, Ed needs to clean up her mess," he smirked as he began to walk from the room.

------------- Office the next day --------------

"This is so unfair!" Ed shrieked. Her already itty bitty mini skirt had been made shorter to the point it no longer mattered if a breeze was present or not, her panties were visible.

"If you can't control your alchemy than maybe _this_ will teach you some restraint," Roy in a bored tone, he actually had been looking an excuse to make the skirt shorter.

"I can't help it! Besides, no one was hurt _and_ I cleaned up the mess!" Ed shouted as she tried in vain to cover her underwear with the tiny skirt.

"Before I forget, the reason I called you in here was to inform you that you and Havoc are going to have a date in two weeks." Roy stated bluntly.

"But that's when I'm supposed to go back to Resembool and get my automail retuned… oh shit! I never told Winry about what happened!" Ed panicked at how this could affect their relationship.

"Should we contact her? The sooner you tell her the better." Roy said as he handed the phone to Ed. She reached for the phone, but hesitated and stepped away. She walked to a chair by the wall to sit and buried her face in her hands.

"How do I explain this to her, will it hurt our relationship? I can't bear the thought of losing her." Ed whispered softly. Roy wanted to comfort her, but did not know what to say or know anything that would help her.

"I'm sure she'll understand, but she's going to find out sooner or later; I highly recomend sooner. Besides, I'm sure she'll understand when you tell her it happened in an attempt to help your brother." Roy said in hopes Ed would feel better. He turned his head to the door when he heard it open and saw Riza walk in.

"Is everything alright, sir?" Riza asked in a soft tone.

"Edward's having some trouble with how she's going to break the news to Winry." Roy said while rubbing Ed's back. Riza stayed quiet for a moment and than closed the door behind her. She walked over to Edward and put her hand on her shoulder.

"Come with me, you need a break from here." Riza said with a smile. She knelt down in front of Edward so she could look her in the eye. "Rebecca and I are going out in a half hour for lunch and shopping. Come with us and clear your mind for a little bit." She said with a smile.

"Sounds good" Edward said with small smile.

"But first, let's get you out of that thing the Colonel calls a skirt." Riza said as she put her hand on Ed's shoulder.

---------------- Out Shopping ----------------

"It's great to be out of there for the day" Rebecca said as she stretched her arms.

"It's nice to get out of the office, but I know the moment I left the Colonel is going to good off" Riza stated with a sigh as she scratched Hayate's head. "Rebecca, this is Eliza. She just transferred from Eastern headquarters."

"Nice to meet you, my name's Rebecca."

"Hi" Ed said quietly. She still was unsure how girls interact with one another.

"Do you like working with Colonel Mustang?" Rebecca asked with a smile.

"When I snap, he'll be the first to go" Ed growled as she gritted her teeth.

"From the rumors that I heard about him, you're gonna have to stand in line for that" Rebecca said with amusement and interested in hearing more.

"The Colonel's been hazing her" Riza stated after sipping her tea.

"Tell me about it, the sexual harrasment in the military's awful. I've got a hit list myself for when I snap" Rebecca said with a snarl as she thought of the man that slapped her butt everytime she did shooting practice.

"Seriously, I made one mistake and had to wear this _thing_ he called a skirt" Ed ranted. "Is there such a thing as a decent man! I can't bend over to get a pencil without them staring at my ass"! _Did I just say what I thought I said? I never realized what a pain in this ass men can be to women, I always thought women were the ones with problems._ Ed thought to herself.

"Eliza, you are preaching to the choir" Rebecca exclaimed with a smile. "Riza, do you know any good men?"

"Sure, here he is" she stated as she lifted Hayate by the scruff of his neck. "He's loyal, does what you want, and comes when you call."

"If only your human counterpart could do that" Rebecca babytalked to Hayate as she scratched him behind the ears.

_I wonder if Winry talks about me like this behind my back._ Ed thought to herself.

The three did some shopping and Riza picked out clothes for Ed. When they finished shopping Riza took Ed back to the office and offered her support for when she had to call Winry. They met Alphonse in the hallway.

"Eliza, did you enjoy your outing?" Al asked in a nervous tone.

"What happened?" Ed asked in a low tone.

"While you were out, 'tlistenand-!" Al rushed.

"SLOW DOWN! Now what happened?" Ed asked in an irritated tone.

"The Colonel summoned Winry to Central..." Al said quietly. "I tried to stop him, but he finished before I could get to him."

"He what?!" Ed screamed.

"I don't think he told her about what happened. Only that you needed to get your automail re-tuned." Al answered as he began to shiver in fear of what Ed might do. "Winry is going to be here the day after tomorrow."

"That doesn't give me much time" Ed said in a paniced tone.

"What are you gonna tell her?" Al asked.

"I don't know," is all Ed could say.

_Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't posted in well over a year, school hates me :p_

_Anyway, what will Winry think? Will Havoc ever know Eliza's true identity? Can Eliza's skirt get any shorter?_

_Tune in next time for chapter 5: It's not what it looks like!_

_I'm thinking about whether or not to put a lemon scene, tell me what you think... and who you wanna see :)_


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